Apartment complaints...
Today Frankie's sister and her family will arrive. I still have quite a bit to do. Our apartment is small, but I would like for it to be immaculate when they get here. As I was cleaning yesterday I found myself wishing for money to make changes to our apartment. Selfish, I know. Also materialistic. But when company comes, even just family, the house reflects the wife. I know you don't typically have to have expensive things to have a nice, organized, clean home, but there's one area I just cringe over. Our bedroom. We have a sliding glass door in the living room and in the bedroom that lead to a small balcony. Frankie is one of those people that cannot sleep if there's even the smallest amount of light shining in. He can't even had the numbers on the digital clock showing. (So you can imagine what this balcony does to him). So being the tacky but creative man that he is, he hung a turquoise (of all colors) sheet on the window, behind the blinds. Then we hung drapes given by a church member. Well, there were three panels of drapes. Two were the same color, but the third was a similar color, different shade. Unfortunately it took all three to cover the window. So the odd panel is in the middle. I wish I could say it gave the window an interesting flare, a creative uniqueness that broke the monotony of typical window treatments. I wish I could even say it looked alright. But it doesn't. It looks quite stupid. So my light-sensitive husband still wasn't really satisfied with the results. He said light was creeping in through the top! So he rolled two blankets and placed them at the top of the drapes! I tried removing them and he had a fit. Picture it: two matching end drapes with a different panel in the center. Yellow and brown rolled up blankets (completely visible) perched on top of the drapes. How hideous!
And from the outside, TURQUOISE highlights the window!
The only solution I have come up with that will be cheap is if I can find black curtains at a GoodWill or something. I could hang those behind the blinds, maybe double them. They wouldn't be visible from the outside and they may be dark enough that we can at least dispense with the blankets on top!
Other than that, our apartment is ok, I guess. Well, aside from Frankie's study. I just completely leave that area alone though. Early on I hassled him about keeping it clean and organized, but I figure it's his private space and he is much too busy to worry with cleaning. Daily I do a once over the room to make sure there's nothing I need to remove (dirty socks that get discarded on the floor, glasses or plates from midnight snacks while studying, etc).
I guess I better get busy. I must clean the balcony windows and straighten the bathroom. (Newspaper works amazingly well on getting rid of streaks on windows. I had always heard that, but just recently tried it. It's great!)
Having complained about the apartment and cleaning duties, I do need to end this post by saying, I am thankful to God for a home and the things we do have. We are blessed to have furniture that was given to us and is in nice condition. Because the apartment is relatively small, cleaning doesn't take long at all. And I do enjoy the satisfaction that comes with having a clean, organized home. I'm proud to be a God-called "keeper of the home."
Wednesday afternoon
I haven't written lately because the internet here at the apartment has been down. Finally, as of noon, it's back up and running! Not much new is going on. I'm still attending my class (Spiritual Disciplines) and SWI (Essentials). Frankie is busy with reading and papers. Frankie's sister, brother-in-law and their twins are coming to visit tomorrow. I've been cleaning and preparing for their arrival, although they'll only be spending one or two nights here.
Finally Friday
Well, this week went well. My Personal Spiritual Disciplines class went well...I think it's going to be an easy and enjoyable class. We are required to go to chapel, which is good motivation to do something I need to be doing anyway. I met Frankie at chapel on Tuesday after his class, but on Thursday I left him sleeping and went alone.
Class on both Tuesday & Thursday was good. We discussed Bible intake, a fundamental part of the Christian life. Also, we met with our accountability partners during half of the class. Thursday afternoon, around 6pm, Abby came by. We had our first SWI class of the semester form 7-9pm. We're taking Essentials (Mrs. Mohler). It seems like it will be a very helpful class. Last night we talked about the calling of a minister's wife.
Frankie's sister, brother-in-law and the twins are coming next Thursday. I think they're just going to spend Thurs here, then go on down to Munfordville to stay the weekend with the Bailey's.
Abby & Mike are going to come over tonight to go to the "Fall Kick-off" here at Southern. It's from like 6 until 8 or 9pm. I doubt I'll be able to stay the whole time, but it should be fun to check it out!
School starts
I returned to L'ville on Friday night/Saturday morning. Frankie met my parents in TN, we had dinner, then got back on the road. Saturday I worked on the nursery some. Our apartment looks like a hurricane came through. I brought so much stuff back from home (as usual) and there's just no room here. There is so much clutter...and I hate it.
In the class I'm taking this semester, Spiritual Disciplines, we have accountability partners. Since I wasn't there, I'd not yet met or talked to my partner, so we met yesterday at Starbucks. From every indication, I don't think this class is going to be hard at all. Seems a lot like the SWI (Seminary Wives Institute) class, only it's for credit toward the MA degree.
Frankie is in class now...he was up at 6:30am! I got up then, too, to make him coffee and an egg sandwich. He has to be up early on Tuesday & Wednesday. It will be a challenge for him since he is not a morning person at all. So far he's managed well, but it's only been a week & a half.
We're going to chapel at 10; it's required for my class and we've wanted to start back going. Since he's already up, he's eager to go. Thursday he may not go with me though because he won't be up early for class on that day. We'll see.
Church Sunday went well. We're going to start going only twice a month on Wednesday nights, to conserve study time for Frankie & gas, which is outrageous!
Guess I better go get ready for chapel!
MidWeek
Well, I'm still stranded in SC, not that I'm really complaining about that. I do miss Frankie, but I like being home. Frankie called Monday to see what I was going to do, but we never decided anything. Classes started Tuesday, and needless to say I missed the first day of class. I debated dropping the class and signing up for an Internet class. I finally managed to figure it out, but the Internet class seemed like more work than the class I had originally signed up for. Since I'm pregnant and scheduled to give birth before finals, I figured that was not the best solution. Frankie suggested I e-mail the professor (of the class I missed) and explain the situation to her and see if it is ok that I just come to class next Tuesday. I did so and she responded that I could stay in the class, e-mail her my assignment for Thursday and be in class next Tuesday. I have failed to mention to her that I am 7 months pregnant and will also likely need additional time out of class at the end of the semester. I'll reserve that for an in-person discussion. At this point I am so naive as to believe I may be able to deliver this child on any day and still make it to class at the scheduled time.
I think I'll likely go back to KY either tomorrow or Friday. I have to decide by today though to let 'my ride' know.
Last night I had the craziest dream. First of all, I've been reading Dr. Dobson's book,
Hide or Seek Building Confidence in Your Child
. Click here: Focus Resource Center - The New Hide or Seek by Dr. James Dobson.
"The founder of Focus on the Family offers 12 solid strategies for protecting kids from feelings of inadequacy and inferiority. The New Hide or Seek best illuminates the needs of children and addresses common concerns such as appearance, intelligence, shame, violence, acting out and others."
Well, in the book Dr. Dobson makes the statement that he thinks parents are obligated to do the most they can for a child that has a serious physical flaw. I agree with this, but I was unsure that Frankie agreed. So before I went to bed we discussed it. He agreed and we got on the subject of physcial flaws we had as teens.
Also, yesterday my mom and I got on the subject of milestones. We talked about different children we know that talked sooner than others. We were talking about "smart babies," how parents could help their infants talk sooner and communicate better.
Ok, so back to my dream. I dreamed that our baby was here and she was like 3 or 4 months old and was talking in complete sentences. We were so proud and happy. Frankie was holding her and I was sitting beside them, looking at her profile. Suddenly I realized something was wrong with her nose! I just felt my heart sink as I realized she needed plastic surgery.
It's funny because the whole point of Dr. Dobson's book is to teach parents how to build the confidence of their child. The first few chapters are dedicated to epmphasizing how society places such value on beauty and intelligence. This is unjust and I think it is horrible, yet I dreamed about both things in regard to my own child! I do hope she's intelligent and beautiful, but moreso I hope she is godly and dedicates her life to pleasing and serving Christ.
It annoys me that subconsciously I must care a lot about her intellect and physcial attractiveness. But I guess it's human nature and we're all such sinful, flesh-oriented creatures.
Monday's...ugh
The baby shower Saturday went well. My mom went with me and all of Frankie's aunts were there, along with several cousins, his mom and sister. We received a car seat, about 600 diapers, several outfits, a pink lamp, blankets, photo albums, wipes, bibs, socks, pacifiers, etc. I don't really think there's much else that we need. I still want to get a few baby slings and we still need a chair for the nursery (either a rocking chair or a glider).
Frankie called last night to ask when I was coming back to KY. I dread that drive/ride back! It really was a bad idea for him to drive on back without me. I know he had the best of intentions and I have enjoyed a few extra days here, but it's going to be such a hassle to get back. First of all, we didn't really discuss how/when I was going to go back. He left Friday afternoon so he could rest and have time to prepare before preaching on Sunday. His original suggestion was either someone could meet him halfway with me or I could drive my parents extra (beat up, three colored) car. The problems with the first idea are my parents have to work all week and Frankie starts classes tomorrow. The problem with the second idea is that we didn't ask my parents about this and dad doesn't think the car is reliable enough for me to drive back alone in it. Also, there's the matter of returning the car, as they do use it frequently for short distances.
Ugh.
Frankie's sister offered to take me back this week since she won't be working until the weekend. I might end up having to take her up on that and just let my parents offer gas money.
There's another issue with me staying extra time here. I was also supposed to start classes tomorrow. Well, one class really. But it doesn't look like I'm going to make it there! I'm unsure what to do. I hate to miss this week because I know I'll miss days in the fall when the baby arrives. I considered dropping this class and signing up for an internet class, but I can't manage to do that online. Ugh.
Baby Shower Day
It's Saturday morning and Frankie's sister is giving me a baby shower at her house in a few hours. Frankie decided that if he went to the shower and we got on the road around 4pm today, he'd be too exhausted to preach effectively in the morning. We would have gotten in KY at 1 or 2am. He also knew I hadn't spent as much time with my parents and I'd like, so he offered to let me stay a few extra days. Woohoo! I don't like long periods apart, but I think a few days does us good. Since I've not been working lately and he's not had classes, we're with one another 24/7. Literally! I do love him and I like being with him all the time, but a little space is good for us, I think. His sister called last night and told me I was welcome to bring my mom with me to the shower. I'm glad she called and suggested that because I had already planned on it. I figured it was entirely within the lines of propriety. Regardless, I'm glad she called and made the suggestion. I hadn't expected to be excited about the shower, but I am! It's likely the only one we'll have. My family discussed a shower, but my schedule and there's didn't match too well, and this is the last trip to SC before the birth. I suppose they'll just have one after the baby is born. As far as a shower at the church, I'm doubtful that will happen. A lady that was pregnant last year never told the women at the church when she'd like a shower, so the ladies at the church put a box at the back of the church and told anyone who wanted to give something to put it in the box. They may try the 'box method' with me! (To give the church some credit, it was the woman's second child and traditionally, showers are just for the first baby).
Last night I soke with Frankie a few times on his trip back to KY. He was listening to a book on tape...the Green River Killer(?) I'd heard almost all of it, but he finished it up on the drive. He said the ending made him cry...he had to pull off the road! One of the family members of a victim stood up to address the killer. She was and elderly lady and she told the killer that she forgave him for what he did to her daughter. (Her daughter, Opal Mills, was 16 or so and the man stangled and raped her.) But for this mother to save she forgave him...unreal. She said because of her faith in the Lord, she was able to have peace that surpasseth all understanding. Frankie said he said aloud, "Amen, amen." LOL. He's is a great guy. I do love his heart and his dedication to the Lord.
What Frankie misses about being single...
Today Frankie & I went to church about an hour from where my parents live. While we were out, we went out to eat at one of our favorite restaurants...a late birthday present for Frankie. Somehow we started talking about married life. We agreed that it's odd to think that all other possibilities are eliminated. Then he said something really amusing. He said, "There are a few things I miss about being single."
"Such as?" I asked, fully expecting to hear something about possibilites of marrying a more attractive woman or the excitement of a first date or something along those lines.
Bless his heart, his response was, "I really miss books on tape."
It was so hilarious and he was so serious. I thought to myself, well, I can definitely deal with that.
He then went on to explain that when he was single he could listen to biographies whenever he was driving in the car. He feels hampered, I guess, because I don't adore biographies like he does. Although, to my credit, we listened to a little of a book on tape about a five presidents on the way to SC.
SC
We arrived at my parents around 2am this morning. It's only 8am and Frankie's still fast asleep. I woke up to tell my mom goodbye before work and somehow ended up at the computer with a cup of coffee. I hope we have a good time this week. The last couple of times we came to SC, Frankie & I argued some. It seeems like everytime we get close to home, tensions rise. I wish I could get some advice on this situation, but there's really not anyone I can talk to about it. If anyone happens to read this and have advice, please share!
Frankie is the oldest of three children. His parents, of course, love him, but they're used to him not being around. He's 32 and has been on his own since he was 18. His family never tells him what to do or even makes suggestions about his life. When we're there, they ask if we need anything, and that's about it. Frankie has been in other countries without his family even being aware of it. He's come from KY to SC without even seeing his family numerous times.
Ok, my situation is completely opposite. I'm an only child and I lived with my parents up until marriage (15 months ago). My parents are super affectionate and talkative and want to/expect to hear from me daily. When we're in SC they'd prefer me to be home the entire time.
The problem is I find myself feeling like I should be with my parents as much as possible, although I know we have to visit his family...and I do want to visit them. So far, with the exception of one or two nights, when we're here we stay with my parents. There are practical reasons for this, and of course, it's where I want to be. His sister just had twins and their spare room is currently their bedroom (so they can be close to the nursery). Frankie's parents do not have a spare bedroom. My parents have a spare room and bathroom and have recently even made their study into a nursery for our baby. I think it makes the most sense to stay with my parents. I think his family even expects that. The next situation is that when we are in SC, Frankie wants to see his parents, his sister and his grandmother. Often to see each we have to make several trips (it's an hour away). I'm up for one or two, but beyond that, I just don't want to go over there every day. I feel like we're on the road enough...when I'm home I just want to rest.
Frankie feels like when I'm home, he becomes an outsider. But when we're at my parents, he stays the entire time in our room readying/studying. He doesn't want to just sit around and chat or watch tv. For me, that's relaxing and it's family time. I've tried to include him and my parents try to engage him in conversation, but it just doesn't really work. So when we are here, I'm really with my family alone. But, of course, when we're with his family, I'm right there...often talking more than he is to his family!
The thing that gets me is he's told me all these stories about being in SC and not going home and how he's been home to visit and they've just gone off and left, and so I keep wondering why is it so important to visit so much now? But I know it's his family and he loves them. I also suspect he wants me to help their relationship (esp with his mom). I always feel so guilty about my feelings...I know it's selfish. I just can't help but think, I should be with my parents...they don't have any other family. His family is huge...and all live close together.
I'm already worrying about Christmas. I'm trying to make a schedule, but I'm not sure how that's going to go over. His family gathers like 4 times over the holdiays and if we go to each of their events, I might get in a few hours with my parents. Also, my parents go to bed around 8 or 9pm (they're early birds), so even though we spend the nights with them, we often don't even see them. My parents are the only ones I'll see at Christmas, so is it fair to just have one time with them, then 4 times with his family (same people, just different times/homes)? To further complicate matters, by then we'll have a one month old. I don't know how I feel about dragging her from place to place for two days. I need help!
(Frankie's solution is to stay in KY for Christmas and not even come home!)
Clock strikes midnight
We just got home from church and, as usual, it's after midnight. Church today went well, but it was such a busy day. We started a Sunday school class at the Hartway Apartments recently. So far we have about 5-8, but we're expecting it to grow. Anyway, Frankie leads a class there at 10am. After the class we have church 11-12:30. Today after church we talked a bit, then had lunch with an elderly lady from Hartway. By the time we finished lunch and talked for a few minutes, we had to get going. Frankie had to preach at the local jail and I went to the Nursing home for an hour service. I led the music, which is quite interesting considering I cannot sing. I do mean cannot! After those services wrapped up, Frankie picked me up for us to go to the funeral home. An elderly lady that attends the Hartway SS Class lost her son Friday night (car accident...he had a tire blowout). We were there about 20 minutes, then we made our way to visit another lady who is having eye surgery on Wednesday. After that, we headed back to church. We had about 15 minutes before the evening service began. After church we made two more visits, then got on the road. Ok, so that's definitely a full day and makes for a tiring day. I'm exhausted, so I can't imagine how Frankie feels...he taught a class for 30 minutes and preached three full length sermons! Plus all the visiting. But here's what gets me. Ok, during morning services this lady came that hasn't been in like three months. She's a member and says she's saved. She has no health problems and travels with her friends frequently.
So she says to Frankie, "It's been three months since I've been here and I haven't seen the first deacon or a preacher."
Frankie responded, "Have you been sick?"
Her reply, "No."
He said, "Well, you didn't need a visit then. Why haven't you been to church?"
She shrugged her shoulders.
He said, "Maybe I should come by and pray with you."
She didn't respond.
Then another lady after church was telling us how we needed to visit her friend, a lady who recently joined the church. Last week, we went to visit her and she was already in the bed (it was before 8pm). So this week we were so busy and I made a comment to the lady that we'd try to get there but we just had so much to do. The lady responded quickly that her friend was the type that really expected a visit and although she knew Frankie was busy he really needed to get over there. It made me a little mad.
Anyway, people just don't understand the ministry if they've not been in it. But overall, the people are pretty good. I know they mean well and we have a lot of great supporters at the church...I think. :)
Tomorrow we leave for SC! I'm eager to be home...as always.
Friday, Queen's Day
Every Friday is Queen's Day. I don't think I've written about this before. Anyway, when Frankie & I got married he decided one day of the week would be my day. I get to decide what we do all day. I chose Friday since Saturday's are his day of preparation for Sundays and the rest of the week tends to be busy, especially during the semester. It has been really fun and a great idea. One Friday afternoon I was complaining about my day's being boring and we decided (at 5pm) to go to Canada. It was fun. We just drove there, rode around, stopped at a store, then drove back. Several times last summer/fall we rode our bikes all day. That was fun as well, but tiring! I'm not sure what today will hold. At the least, we eat out and watch a movie usually.
I hope we can continue with this tradition after the baby is born.
Recently I've been giving a little thought to having or attempting to have this baby naturally. I've talked to a couple of women that have had natural deliveries. One elderly lady that had like 12 kids said she advised having an epidural. Her logic was, it's offered, it makes it a little easier, you might as well. I mentioned to her my concerns about how the medicine affects the baby. She dismissed those thoughts. I realize that people tend to think ideas are absurd if it's not something they did. For example, I mentioned to some people that I want to try using clothe diapers. One response was, "You must be kidding...you aren't going to do that. Put a real diaper on that kid." I realized though, that these responses are from people that only used disposable diapers themselves. Maybe the real problem is they think it somehow questions their parenting. I don't know. I think maybe I'll just start keeping my thoughts and considerations to myself. I just don't want to be an average parent raising an average kid and doing things just because that's what people do these days. I want to do what's best for the child. Another example is with homeschooling. We plan to homeschool and others just think we're nuts. But I really believe they know it's the best thing, they just don't want to (or didn't) sacrifice to do it themselves. I get sick of hearing the one opposition. (There's only one, compared to the numerous benefits). What about social skills? That's so ignorant. We aren't going to lock the kid up and never let her make friends or be around people. Anyway, I don't know what this has to do with anything. :)
OH well.
Youth
I haven't written in the last few days because Frankie & I had company. A young girl from the youth of our church wanted to spend the night with us...she stayed Sunday night- Wednesday. Needless to say, with a 14 year old, there wasn't much time for blogging. We did have fun though. We took her downtown Louisville and toured the Seminary. We spent a few hours in the recreation center playing ping pong and basketball. I felt a bit stupid myself...a fat pregnant woman on the basketball court, but it was still fun.
I also had the rare opportunity to see a different side of Frankie. I have been a little concerned as to how he is going to be as a father...especially of a daughter. He doesn't have much experience with children and his family isn't particularly touchy or lovey (verbally or with hugs and kisses). A couple of times he surprised me with the young girl, as far as being concerned. One night she fell asleep during a movie we were watching and when Frankie and I got to our bedroom he asked me if I was going to go take her glasses off. (She had fallen asleep with them on). I was impressed that he'd even pay attention to something like that. He also had the bright idea to cover the vents in the room she was in so she wouldn't get too cold. He was very aware of her comfort and sensitive to her needs. I was impressed. I think he'll be a great dad. Much better than most father's, I think.
