SC
We arrived at my parents around 2am this morning. It's only 8am and Frankie's still fast asleep. I woke up to tell my mom goodbye before work and somehow ended up at the computer with a cup of coffee. I hope we have a good time this week. The last couple of times we came to SC, Frankie & I argued some. It seeems like everytime we get close to home, tensions rise. I wish I could get some advice on this situation, but there's really not anyone I can talk to about it. If anyone happens to read this and have advice, please share!Frankie is the oldest of three children. His parents, of course, love him, but they're used to him not being around. He's 32 and has been on his own since he was 18. His family never tells him what to do or even makes suggestions about his life. When we're there, they ask if we need anything, and that's about it. Frankie has been in other countries without his family even being aware of it. He's come from KY to SC without even seeing his family numerous times.
Ok, my situation is completely opposite. I'm an only child and I lived with my parents up until marriage (15 months ago). My parents are super affectionate and talkative and want to/expect to hear from me daily. When we're in SC they'd prefer me to be home the entire time.
The problem is I find myself feeling like I should be with my parents as much as possible, although I know we have to visit his family...and I do want to visit them. So far, with the exception of one or two nights, when we're here we stay with my parents. There are practical reasons for this, and of course, it's where I want to be. His sister just had twins and their spare room is currently their bedroom (so they can be close to the nursery). Frankie's parents do not have a spare bedroom. My parents have a spare room and bathroom and have recently even made their study into a nursery for our baby. I think it makes the most sense to stay with my parents. I think his family even expects that. The next situation is that when we are in SC, Frankie wants to see his parents, his sister and his grandmother. Often to see each we have to make several trips (it's an hour away). I'm up for one or two, but beyond that, I just don't want to go over there every day. I feel like we're on the road enough...when I'm home I just want to rest.
Frankie feels like when I'm home, he becomes an outsider. But when we're at my parents, he stays the entire time in our room readying/studying. He doesn't want to just sit around and chat or watch tv. For me, that's relaxing and it's family time. I've tried to include him and my parents try to engage him in conversation, but it just doesn't really work. So when we are here, I'm really with my family alone. But, of course, when we're with his family, I'm right there...often talking more than he is to his family!
The thing that gets me is he's told me all these stories about being in SC and not going home and how he's been home to visit and they've just gone off and left, and so I keep wondering why is it so important to visit so much now? But I know it's his family and he loves them. I also suspect he wants me to help their relationship (esp with his mom). I always feel so guilty about my feelings...I know it's selfish. I just can't help but think, I should be with my parents...they don't have any other family. His family is huge...and all live close together.
I'm already worrying about Christmas. I'm trying to make a schedule, but I'm not sure how that's going to go over. His family gathers like 4 times over the holdiays and if we go to each of their events, I might get in a few hours with my parents. Also, my parents go to bed around 8 or 9pm (they're early birds), so even though we spend the nights with them, we often don't even see them. My parents are the only ones I'll see at Christmas, so is it fair to just have one time with them, then 4 times with his family (same people, just different times/homes)? To further complicate matters, by then we'll have a one month old. I don't know how I feel about dragging her from place to place for two days. I need help!
(Frankie's solution is to stay in KY for Christmas and not even come home!)
posted by Amy @ 8:21 AM
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