25th
I wish I could write and say I had the baby, but no such luck! I was 38 weeks yesterday, so she's technically full term...maybe it will be any day now!I haven't written lately because since my computer got a virus last year (and we've not had it reparied), we just have Frankie's laptop. He's been going daily to the library and taking the computer with him. By the time he returns, it's late and I don't even think about getting online.
Things have been a little busy the last few days. My family is coming up this week, so I've been cleaning like a mad woman. My dear husband is not exactly the epitome of tidiness and cleanliness. Unfortunately, even when he tries to help he ends up creating more for me to do. Yesterday I straightened his study (my parents will sleep in there on a blow-up air mattress). The study was very presentable and I was satisfied with it. Well, yesterday afternoon we went to clean the car. I wanted to vacuum it good before we install the infant seat. Well, we ended up with a grocery bag full of stuff that wasn't trash but had just ended up in the car...mostly preaching tapes (as well as a pair of shoes, a bookbag, etc). Needless to say, he brought all that junk in and threw it in the living room. I stopped him and asked him not to leave it there. Now it's here in the study in the middle of the floor, along with a sweater and about 20 books that weren't there after I cleaned yesterday! I guess I'll focus on this room again on Friday (before my parents arrive). If I wait until last minute, maybe he won't have time to mess up the room again. I feel bad if I complain because I know he's been working his rump off with school. He has over 700 pages to read by Tuesday, a paper due next week and another book due (over a thousand pages). I can hardly expect him to organize tapes and books.
I have an appt with my OBGYN tomorrow. I didn't see her last week because she was out of town. I don't know if it's because I'm getting so far along or maybe because I didn't see the doctor last week, but the last few days I've been very anxious and concerned. I feel the baby moving still (though maybe not quite as much). However, I just keep thinking of all the things that could go wrong. Frankie and I even had a discussion last night about the possibility of a still birth. I cannot imagine after carrying this baby 38+ weeks, not bringing her home. I think that must be one of the most difficult situations in life. A miscarriage would be bad enough, but to go through a full term pregnancy, labor and delivery and to have something so exciting and wonderful to end in tragedy and death. I cannot imagine. Frankie had even invisioned the doctor's rushing the baby out and her dying and him having to tell me. I guess maybe these thoughts and feelings are normal. And as unfortunate as it is, such things are always a possibility.
I do pray that God will protect this child and that she will be healthy and normal. However, if that is not His will, I pray for the courage and the faith to accept His sovereign will. Though I imagine that is much easier to write than to truly accept.
posted by Amy @ 8:13 AM
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