Monday
Friday night we put the crib matress in the floor by our bed and surrounded it with blankets and pillows in an attempt to get Lydia out of our bed. It worked for about 5 hours. I went to bed before Frankie and with Lydia on the floor (that sounds bad), I stretched out in the middle of the bed. For at least the last year I have been sleeping on my side (first due to pregnancy and second due to Lydia being our bed and leaving me with little room and she nurses all night). So Friday night I rolled to my stomach, eager to stretch out in my favorite position! As I did this, I had a sharp pain under my left breast, forcing me to return a supine position. I felt under my breast and there was a big lump (like 2.5 inches long!). It was very tender and I immediately got up to tell Frankie. He could likewise feel lump and there was a moment where we were both quiet, each considering various dire possibilites and outcomes. Then he deduced it was likely nothing... aren't lumps in breasts common? (Yes, but this is like a mass and it's painful). So I went back to bed. I immediately began considering cancer... chemo... death... Lydia growing up with a mom. Tears streamed. I prayed, put the thoughts out of my mind and went to sleep. Sunday was a good day, but as the night came, I again found myself worrying about the possibilities of cancer. Logically, I knew even if I was going to worry, it seemed very premature to begin! But worry itself just compounds and intensifies with children. If it was just me and Frankie, I'd not be so worried. But factor an 11 month old into things and my anxiety levels just fly through the roof at any little thing.Today I was reprimanded and encouragement.
A few weeks ago I attended a meeting where the seminary president's wife, Mary Mohler, spoke about anxiety and worry. She pointed out that worry is the opposite of faith. She quoted C. Swindoll as saying something along the lines of worry being, "...the painful uneasiness of the mind that feeds on fears." This morning I reread some of the verses Mrs. Mohler gave that night:
Matt 6:25-34
Phil 4:6
I Peter 5:6
Ps 55:22
Luke 10:38-42
II Cor 10:3-5
Hab 3:17-19
Daniel 3:16-18
... more later... Lydia is wild! SHE IS 11 MONTHS TODAY! Growing sooo fast!
posted by Amy @ 11:11 AM
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